Sometimes my entire life’s goal can be boiled down to avoiding downtown at all costs, especially for shopping. Therefore, I am on a critically important journey to replace my favorite downtown stores with Lakeview substitutes. This may seem like an easy feat for some, but I spent my first year in Chicago at the University Center dorm on State and Harrison so I rely on downtown shops heavily. It’s a tough habit to break. Tougher than heroin. Yeah, you heard me. Tougher than heroin.
However, Belmont Army has renewed my hope for such a mission. It’s debatable that of all the important aspects of this importantly important operation, replacing Urban Outfitters was the most important. I admit that I have been falling out of love with Urban since this chick who I now believe to be my first encounter with a hipster starting shopping there as well my junior year of high school. Also, it would appear UO is having some issues with gender equality and thievery. And homophobia. Allegedly.
But besides all that, the prices are too high at Urban considering you are purchasing something that everyone else has while being hassled by beatniks and crushed by the weight of way too many decreasingly-ironic tees. Don’t despair though. I know you are despairing because this is so importantly important. Pop on over to Belmont Army, located right off the Belmont stop.
Did I not sell you on this yet? Fine. Belmont Army has the following:
1. Better brands- Free People, House of Harlow 1960, BB Dakota, etc. They even carry Chrome bags and TOMS.
2. Comparable prices (ignore Yelp)
3. Quieter music (that’s important to some people, ok?)
4. Much cleaner layout
5. If you’re into it, the 4th floor is entirely vintage and resale items. Now you can get legitimately ironic t-shirts without taking them from the needy at Salvation Army!
If all that doesn’t blow your skirt up, just remember that the money you give to Urban Outfitters is going to this guy. Allegedly.
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